Thursday, May 17, 2012

Princess Squibby's Official Dubstep Rant

*Please note, this is a rant about how dubstep SUCKS. Please don't read if you like this shit.*

Dubstep, the recently popular genre of music that blares from teenagers and young adults speakers all over white America, is, in so many words, complete, total and utter shit.

"P. Squib!" you cry, "How can you make such a large assumption about a genre?"
"Well, reader," I say, "I love that you shortened my name into a ghetto fabulous version. And for that, I'll answer your question in the following blog post."

First, a brief overview of dubstep I copied&pasted (and actually read) from wikipedia:
Dubstep (/ˈdʌbstɛp/) is a genre of electronic dance music that originated in South London, United Kingdom. Its overall sound has been described as "tightly coiled productions with overwhelming bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, clipped samples, and occasional vocals".[1]
The earliest dubstep releases date back to 1998 and were darker, more experimental, instrumental dub remixes of 2-step garage tracks attempting to incorporate the funky elements of breakbeat, or the dark elements of drum and bass into 2-step, which featured as B-sides of single releases.

Blah blah. Just so we're all on the same page.

Now, onto why it sucks more dick than a girl with daddy issues. (This is the rant bit. Please note my rants are long, cuss filled and well researched.)

I would like to thank dubstep for feeding the vapid, faceless monster that music is becoming today. *slow clap* Bravo you assbags. Why is it vapid and faceless? Mainstream dubstep is a tool for tripping, drinking and all other means of getting fucked up. You listen to it when you're lost in a sea of mind-altering substances. The "sick" bass drops and "nasty" breakdowns are supposed to sound "fuckin' dirty as hell" when you're raging. Cool for you, but it just feels like I'm getting punched in the face by some asshole who has oodles of money to buy all the expensive mixing equipment and minimal talent to use it. Does anybody know what boiled down dubstep is? It's just thick beats laid over each other with a bass drop around 55 seconds in, syncopated rhythms, with tuplets, and  ridiculous amounts of bass. (Why yes, I did read that off wiki.) I could do that if I had a shit-ton of money just laying around and a day to learn what all the buttons did.

This music cannot stand on its own. It doesn't mean anything. Each song sounds exactly the same, and yes, I have listened to this shit. I'm subjected to it all the time. The only way I can tell the difference between songs are the sound bites, which add nothing to the song except maybe means to title the fucking thing. Let alone being able to tell who mixed it. It's just a series of "SCKREEEEEEE!"s and "WUBWUBWOOOOMPPP"s. To counter an argument someone once said to me, yes, many kinds of music are synonymous with doing drugs and partying. Take one of my favorite bands, The Grateful Dead. Everyone at all of their 32,000 live performances were some kind of high. But, take away the drugs, and the music is still something. The lyrics are poetry, the melodies float through your head all day and the rhythms make you wanna kelp dance. Not only is the music great, but there's a face you can put to the Dead. You think of Jerry Garcia, and Bill Kreutzmann, Phil Lesh, Pigpen, Bob Weir. All hippie guys with names and faces. I couldn't tell you what these guys looked like. I only know this Skrillex fucker has a part of his head shaved because everyone is doing is now and they've referenced him. Not even sure it's a dude... (Googled the name. He's a guy. With nasty long hair.)

Go listen to a Dead song, I'll bet you you'll enjoy it without the aid of drugs. Next, go listen to a dubstep song. A couple hours later, I bet you wouldn't really be able to tell me anything about it. You couldn't count the beat, hum the melody or anything. It. Is. Nothing.

Now, to clear something up, I do not hate the guys (I refuse to say artists) that create this bullshit. My view is that every kind of music has its place. Dubstep just needed to stay where it came from. In these rich boys' garages and in underground clubs. Not blasting over every Jim, Joe and Jillian's ihome on the fucking block. I even feel sorry for these guys. They created this music to be underground and cool and weird, but all the little white kids with their need for the next new thing and their love for drugs, had to come in and fuck it up.

Which brings me to the thing I dislike most about dubstep. Can you guess what it is? I bet you can.

The goddamn, musically-inept, socially-desperate, usually-fucked-up-on-drugs white fans.

You know who you are. And, if you're still reading this, you've probably already sent a flaming comment to me in some way or another. Thumbs up to you 'cause 1. You're a trooper for taking this much abuse and 2. You're comments will be ignored/deleted. This is my blog and I can do what I want. Ha. Ha.

All in all, from my basic psychology 101 perspective, I probably hate dubstep because it has been shoved down my throat by my peers. The same way kids end up hating religion 'cause their parents made them go to church. But, unlike religion, this is a fad and will fade out by, my prediction is, next summer.

If it doesn't, I'm going to move to Canada. They have a lot better music. And socialized health care.

Closing notes: Obama2012, dubstep sucks, Canada is cool.