Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Why Nerdy Guys are Better Than "Bad Boys"

So, if you've read the infamous (not really) post I wrote called "Why I Don't Trust Toasters", you'll know that I find a lot of random things I write in the memos section of my phone. Now that I actually started this blog, I have a whole memo folder just for my ideas. Which come to me in dreams, from other peoples' web pages and conversations I have with people. I type them up and then promptly forget about them. Hours, days, months later, I find them and think, "Well, that's a shitty idea. Where would I even take that?" This is one of those ideas. I'm using it because I am bored and trying not to think about the inevitable break-down I'm gonna have this week about how I'm way too busy for my own good and that I'm going to fail at my job and school and feeding my friend's cats while she's on vacation (Katie, if you read this, I'm being dramatic. I swear I won't kill Tango and Sprinkles. Unless Sprinkles thwacks me again with her paws...)


I've always had a history with the nerdier type of guys. And, to clarify, there is a difference between nerds and geeks and dorks. Go look it up. I'm not gonna do it for you. Take my word for it.

Anyway, history. I've always been kind of a nerd myself. I really got into anime and manga in middle school and still go to the annual anime convention around here. I got into video games in high school and was able to keep up with the boys about all the latest games and also argue why the entire Call of Duty/ FPS franchise is the biggest load of horse shit. I've dated 4 guys (including Boyfriend). All nerds. All gamers. All awkward and weird and pretty fun to be around (while we were dating. I'm not on great terms with my exes now. But oh well.) And, fun fact about me, if you take all of the first letters of their last names and rearrange them, it spells FUCK. It's things like this that make my life worth blogging about.


So, why nerds? Girls, listen up, because your days of shitty relationships can be made less shitty if you take what you learn here with you in your lives.

1. Nerds are smart! Why is this good?
    a. You can have a real conversation with them. Not just total dribble that rots your brain.
    b. They can help you on your school-work. (Usually without being condescending asses.)
    c. They can teach you about things you didn't even know about. (Video games. Funny porn. Internet memes. I know this all sounds stupid, but I can't think of good things right now...)
2. Nerds are usually nice because, in our society, jocks and the Grecian body type are of a high value, therefore, nerds haven't had things just handed to them on a silver platter. Why is this good?
    a. They won't treat you like shit. They don't feel entitled to you and your body.
    b. They are generous in bed. Again, they aren't overly-entitled assfucks, so they're willing to give. (Side note: DO NOT ABUSE THIS. All relationships are a two-way street. But, keep in mind, nerds can be easy to please and are open to new things. So, give equally.)
3. Nerds are usually not really into sports. And if they are, it's just one or two. So, you aren't gonna get forced to watch games. If you're into sports, introduce them. Chances are there's a video game where you can play the sport and you can play together.
4. Nerds aren't vain. And so, they won't give a fuck about how shitty your hair looks or how baggy and purple your fat pants are. (Disclaimer: This is NOT saying nerds aren't physically attractive. They just care more about their KDR than their hair.)
5. Nerds wear glasses. If you don't think that's sexy, you're weird.
6. Nerds are EVERYWHERE! Girls, does this sound familiar?
"Ehmahgawdd. i cant find a good guy lyke enwhere!"
 "where hav all dahh gewd guys gon?"
 "fuck boyz! offa dem 4evah!!"
(That was extremely difficult for me to write. I suffer for this blog. Even though only 10 people read it.)

You aren't looking you idiots! You want the "bad boy", right? A guy who you can change and make into a better person. A diamond in the rough. Well, in so many words, you're very dumb. You CANNOT change people. Or at least force them to be what you want them to be. Everyone changes over time, but don't sit around waiting for your bumble-fuck boyfriend to become the boy of your dreams. 94% of the time, it doesn't work. And, if you're reading this blog, you're obviously not the lucky type, so just break up with the loser and UPGRADE.

I really don't understand why girls look to be abused, and ignored, and treated like shit. Unless you're a mega-super-uber bitch, you deserve better. Shut your fucking mouths about how shitty your boyfriend is. Look, I know boyfriends aren't perfect. I'll be the first to admit, I complain about Boyfriend a lot. But I do it to people, not the internet. And, to the people I do complain about him to, I say the good things he does too. Like today, I had a shitty morning so he took me out to lunch at a yummy Greek place. Because, even though he's kind of a butt hole sometimes, he's more than 93.4% not butt hole.

So, take my advice, which is backed by experience, go find your own nerd. They're super great.

Moral of the story: Blog posts I take from my phone memos usually end up being shitty. Sorry guys, just know that I love you for getting this far.

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